(♪ STEELY DAN: "FM (No Static At All")
♪ Hurry the bottle, Mama, it's grapefruit wine
♪ Kick off your high-heel sneakers, it's party time
♪ The girls don't seem to care what's on
♪ As long as they play till dawn
♪ Nothin' but blues and Elvis
♪ And somebody else's favorite song
♪ Give her some funked up muzak, she treats you nice
♪ Feed her some hungry reggae, she'll love you twice
♪ The girls don't seem to care tonight
♪ As long as the mood is right
- ♪ No static at all - (Chorus) ♪ No static, no static at all
♪ FM, no static at all...
♪ Give her some funked up muzak, she treats you nice
♪ Feed her some hungry reggae, she'll love you twice
♪ The girls don't seem to care tonight
♪ As long as the mood is right
- ♪ No static at all - (Chorus) ♪ No static, no static at all
♪ FM, no static at all... ♪
- 'Hello?' - Mornin', Dugan. What's happening?
- It's that time, baby. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whaddya got?
Next tune is all you got, and it'll be over at 6:01 and I'm gonna be gone.
- Come on, man, be reasonable. - 'Reasonable?'
If I was reasonable, do you think I'd be working
from midnight to 6:00 a.m. six days a week?
'I may be crazy, baby, but I ain't reasonable.
- 'You oughta know that, you hired me!' - OK.
Give me a minute to get to my car.
Diggin' the sounds?
Cos coming up next, if he makes it,
our esteemed leader Jeff Dugan to be dug in for another day on QSKY-LA.
So till tomorrow, this is the Prince of Darkness.
What it is.
(Engine revving)
(Tires screech)
(♪ THE EAGLES: "Life In The Fast Lane")
♪ Surely make you lose your mind
♪ Life in the fast lane, yeah
♪ Life in the fast lane
(Horns honking)
♪ Life in the fast lane
♪ Life in the fast lane... ♪
(Sirens start wailing)
Good morning, Los Angeles.
It's great to be a winner, and aren't we all?
At 6:01 this Monday morning, it's 72 degrees going to 88.
This is Jeff Dugan dug in for another week of music
that's gonna keep you high
on the uncommercial sound of Q-S-K-Y.
QSKY, where we never come down to earth.
More sounds.
(♪ Music starts)
Phew!
- QSKY! - (Woman) 'Hi. Dugan?'
Yeah?
'Alright. Would you play Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird"?'
- You got it, honey. - 'When?'
Well, I'm in a winning mood. How about right now?
'Hey, Dugan, I really like you guys.'
- What's your name? - 'Isabelle.'
Hey, Isabelle, we like you, too.
(♪ STEVE MILLER BAND: "Fly Like An Eagle")
Hey, Prince, did you finally get laid last night?
Four times? Bullshit. One time.
Macho, macho, macho. Is that all you guys got to rap about?
- Hey, little Mama, what it is! - What it is, Mama, is rock 'n' roll.
- Alright, music meeting time! - Morning.
Leave the pot, Alice, I think we may need it.
(Alice) OK.
(Sighs heavily)
- Did I say good morning? - Mmm-hmm.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Good.
OK, I got some good news and I got some bad. What do you want?
(All) Drugs!
- That's the bad news, we don't have any. - (All) Oh...
- What's the good news? - Some's on the way.
Hey, alright!
That's it? That's the meeting? Shit, I'm going home...
Sit down.
- (Record jolts on air and distorts) - (Prince) Son of a...
- Bobby, go give this to Doc. - (Bobby) OK.
It's a new release. I was gonna play it myself. I'll give it to Doc, what the hell?
- That's a nice move, man. Thank you. - That's very nice.
(Dugan) Let's get this major piece of heaviness out of the way.
Albert Driscoll, vice president of Billings Corporation...
The name sounds familiar because you've seen it on your check every week...
He's sending us a Regis Lamar.
What's a Regis Lamar?
A Regis Lamar is a brand-new flunky sales manager.
Driscoll's sending him here to turn our ratings into dollars.
Oh, man, not again? Give the dude a ride through Bel Air.
Buy him a nice dinner.
And get him so stoned he thinks he got laid.
(Prince) And send him home first class.
Alright, look... I don't think we take it so lightly this time.
The guy's got heavy credentials.
He's also got big corporations, government, and I hear the army.
- The what? - You heard it, the army.
Driscoll's sending the dude here
to get these big accounts to put spots on our station.
Hell, Dugan.
We've spent years trying to beat them. Now they wanna join us?
If we let them get away with one, they'll start shoving them at us.
They'll start overselling, over-commercializing,
till they drive our goddamn station into the ground.
What do they care about our audience? What do they care about music?
All they care about is money. We gonna let them do this to us?
- (All) No way! - OK! Case closed!
- Let's get onto some good news! - The dope is here.
- Are you kidding me? - (Dugan) The dope ain't here.
But what is here is a Linda Ronstadt concert that's happening.
No way! Carlyle and KLAX have got that locked up.
- (Dugan) Oh, they do, huh? - They do. They are sponsoring it.
Well, I got a little idea
about how we can steal that concert right from under Carlyle
and broadcast it live.
KLAX is gonna sponsor it and we're gonna broadcast it?
- That is pisser. That is pisser. - That's a pisser.
Not only that, we're gonna do it without them ever knowing about it.
- (Record jolts on air) - Shit!
Listen, Dugan, if you do pull off that Ronstadt thing, I got dibs on MC!
- I asked you first! - (Dugan) You got it, man!
(Record jolts)
(♪ STEVE MILLER BAND: "Fly Like An Eagle")
♪ Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping
♪ Into the future... ♪
Doc, what the hell is the matter with you today?
We all get a little nuts before the ratings come out, but this is crazy.
(♪ QSKYjingle)
Hi, everybody, it's old Doc coming at you at SKY Radio. I'll be back in a minute.
(Laughs)
Hey, Jeff?
How about you and I having a couple of drinks after work?
- We ain't done that in a long time. - You got a date, cowboy.
(Radio) '...lab technicians with a few hours to spare each...'
('Distorted speech')
- ('Tape squelches') - Jesus!
(♪ Music restored)
Uh-huh, not me, baby. It is both carts gone.
(Whistles)
Well, get on the horn, tell everybody that the next hour is commercial-free.
Just music.
A present from the friendly folks at QSKY.
That's just like you, Dugan, making chicken salad out of chicken shit.
Just keep 'em happy.
(Howls)
- (Turns volume down) - Bobby...
- I assume you heard that noise. - Yeah. But they're all the same.
German, Japanese... they're all kaka!
If you'd just let me rebuild what we already have,
they'll be better than anything you can buy.
You're the boss, OK, do it your way.
Jeff... do you have a minute to listen to something?
Yeah, sure.
'Hey, there, this is Bobby Douglas on QSKY-FM, the ultimate in LA radio.
'We're gonna get down. That's right, get down.
'We're gonna blow your mind, jangle your nerves,
'and re-arrange your entire, ever-loving...'
(Laughs)
Bobby... you gotta talk to your audience
like you're talking to a friend, like you're talking to me.
Cut out the smooth polished crap. I mean, give them good, honest feelings.
If they wanted smooth and polished, they'd listen to muzak,
or 99% of the other stations.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah. Sure.
Don't stop trying.
Clippers...
Hello, my little darlings, this is Mother talking to you.
Mother with whom it all began.
I held you close, I tucked you in, I took you all the way back home.
Now I am saying, rock-a-bye-babies,
the Prince is due up next with another...
fabulous payday champagne celebration
from SKY Radio, 711 FM, Los Angeles.
(♪ BOB SEGER & THE SILVER BULLET BAND: "Night Moves")
- (Chorus) ♪ Night moves - ♪ Night moves
- QSKY. - (Man) 'Hello, is this Mother?'
That's right. What can I do for you?
'I can tell from your voice that you understand pain.
- 'I love you because...' - Yeah, I'll give you pain.
Son of a bitch, I'll give you so much pain. Come out in the open!
I'll give you so much pain till your eyeballs fall out.
That what you want, huh?
- That what you want? - 'Listen...'
(♪ "Night Moves" continues)
- Hey... - What?
- Good evening, Mama! - Evening, Prince.
Hey, how you doin'?
Well, just 68 degrees, mild and cloudy and bored to shit!
Other than that, I'm just pissed to hell.
Well, now that's what I like to hear.
Nothing like people with problems, you know?
- Helps to make the world go round. - Oh, yeah...
(Women giggling)
(Whispering) Is that Mother?
Those friends of yours?
(Clears throat) A couple of stereo assistants
who so charitably agreed to give the Prince a hand with the show tonight.
- Just a hand, huh? - Hmm...
You're slipping, Prince.
(Woman #1) Prince, is that Mother?
(♪ THE DOOBIE BROTHERS: "It Keeps You Runnin" ')
♪ Say, where you gonna go? Girl, where you gonna hide?
♪ You go on leaving out your heart, and all it's saying deep inside... ♪
(♪ Switches to classical waltz)
Oh!
Ah!
- Hi. - Oh...
- (♪ Switches music back) - Can I help you?
- Mr. Lamar from Chicago. - Oh.
Oh, Mr. Lamar!
Mr. Driscoll said you'd be arriving later in the week.
- I got away earlier. - Oh... Mr. Dugan isn't here.
He was on the air this morning. He's out having breakfast.
It appears that everyone's out.
- I beg your pardon. - Nothing.
I'll just look around by myself till he gets back, OK?
Oh, of course.
Hello?
Hello! Is Dugan there?
(Bobby) Hot! This is...
Hot! This is Bobby Douglas on QSKY-FM where we...
This is Bobby Douglas on QSKY-FM where we never come down to earth.
This is Bobby Douglas on QSKY-FM, the sound of the south where we...
I was just practicing.
They say the echo is very similar to earphones.
When you're on live.
This is Bobby Douglas... Oh, God!
This is Bobby Douglas on QSKY-FM where we never come down to earth.
This is Bobby Douglas on QSKY-FM,
the sound of the south, where we never come down to earth.
(Eric) Isn't it time we returned to real feelings, to love?
Think about that.
Think about the idea of love.
Get the hell outta here!
Jesus.
Come... let's search for love together, let the music be our guide.
This is Eric Swan,
and I am settled in time on QSKY,
the last radio show.
What the hell are you doing in here?
I'm Regis Lamar from Chicago.
Look, pal, I don't give a shit if you're the Messiah from Jerusalem
come here to make my life perfect!
Nobody... walks in this booth when I am making my art!
Nobody!
Sorry.
(Eric) Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ...
- God... - Cathy.
God, that was close.
Good thing I'm, er... creative.
...when you should be at your desk, you're gonna be out on your tushy.
- Hey, hey, peace, love and harmony, huh? - (Alice whispers)
Oh!
- Mr. Dugan. - Yeah.
Regis Lamar. Glad to meet you.
Good.
- "Good"? - Yeah. It's good you're glad to meet me.
Most of the people from the Chicago office aren't.
Oh, on the contrary, from what Albert Driscoll says about you,
you're the, er... Messiah,
come to make life perfect for all of us here at Billings Radio Division.
Where have I heard that?
Oh, excuse me.
Eric, sweetheart, how are you?
I've been trying to get ahold of you for two weeks.
Are you still my agent?
I was down in Palm Springs, I had to talk to the ex-wife. What a pain!
I tried to call you. What's the problem?
The problem, Jack, is a gameshow. That's the problem.
You wanna MC something like "Blind Date" or "King Of The Hill"?
You want me to throw you into any show that comes along?
- (Eric) Jack... - Ain't you gonna introduce me?
Jack, you know what I want.
You just gotta be patient. You gotta take it easy.
- These things take time. - Can I have some quiet, please?
Hi, this is Eric Swan.
If love hasn't found you yet, relax... these things take time.
Jack, what do you mean, "relax, these things take time"?
Tammy, let's go. You've had enough coke.
You like music?
Well, to tell you the truth, I can take it or leave it.
Look, I'm putting on a Save The Whales concert tonight.
Why don't you come? It's Jimmy Buffett.
Great, I love buffets. What are they serving?
Regis, I think you and I are gonna get along fine. Come on.
(♪ JIMMY BUFFETT: "Livingston Saturday Night")
♪ You got your Tony Lamas on, your jeans pressed tight
♪ Take a few tokes, make you feel alright
♪ Rockin' and a-rollin' on a Livingston Saturday night
♪ Pickup's washed and you just got paid
♪ With any luck at all, you might even get laid
♪ Cos they're picking and a-kicking on a Livingston Saturday night
♪ Oh, you gotta listen to the sound of the hot country band
♪ Boogie heels a-scuffling on the dance floor sand
♪ Hum a song, play some pong, shoot a little pool
♪ Hitting on the honeys right out of high school
♪ Fifteen may get you twenty, that's alright
♪ That's alright
♪ Cos they'll be rockin' and a-rollin' on a Livingston Saturday night...
Alright, Timmy, let's go!
(♪ Music over dialogue)
Terrific concert! What a music town!
Dugan, what a sensational concert this is.
I never expected such class from you.
I gotta tell you, in a couple of weeks I'm having my own concert: Linda Ronstadt.
And if you can afford a tuxedo, you're invited. Who's your buddy there?
Regis Lamar, our new sales manager.
Michael J. Carlyle, general manager of KLAX, our esteemed competition.
♪ Oh, listen to the sound of a hot country band
♪ Boogie heels a-shuffling on the dance floor sand
♪ Hum a song, play some pong, eat a deviled egg
♪ Temperature is rising, better pop another keg
♪ Fifteen may get you twenty, that's alright
- ♪ That's alright - ♪ Yeah!
♪ They'll be rockin' and a-rollin' on a Livingston Saturday night...
Alright, Fingers, let's go!
Come by my radio station and see how it's done someday. Later, Dugan!
- Nice fella. - Yeah, smooth as baby shit!
- Do all these people listen to our station? - It's the tits, huh?
I'm gonna take QSKY and make it the first $5-million grosser on the West Coast.
Every account in the country! Wall-to-wall commercials!
Too bad we can't get rid of the music completely, huh?
♪ You gotta listen to the sound of a hot country band
♪ Boogie heels a-shuffling on the dance floor sand
♪ Hum a song, play some pong, shoot a little pool
♪ Hitting on the honeys right out of high school... I'm no fool!
♪ Fifteen may get you twenty, that's alright
♪ That's alright
♪ Oh, we'll be a-rockin' and a-rollin' on a Livingston Saturday night
♪ That's what I say now
♪ Oh, we'll be a-rockin' and a-rollin' on a Livingston Saturday night
♪ And one more time
♪ We'll be rockin' and a-rollin' on a Livingston Saturday night... ♪
(Cheering and applause)
- Jimmy! - How you doin', man?
- You were great, baby. - Thank you very much, our pleasure.
I got something for you there. OK, alright, I gotta run. Alright!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Alright!
Once again, thank you for helping us with this benefit to save the whales,
and a special thanks to my friend Jeff Dugan from QSKYwho sponsored the whole thing!
Phew! That's.50-caliber material.
Yes, sir, Regis, old buddy,
I have a feeling this relationship between you and I
is gonna turn out to be the most important thing in the world.
It's gonna do us a heck of a lot of good. A heck of a lot of good.
I couldn't agree with you more, Bill. And I'm sure Jeff will feel the same way.
Right!
Yes, I know. It's 10:00, Monday morning, at CBS.
The producer's name is, er... Schuler.
The name of the show is "The Tunnel Of Love",
and it's gonna be perfect for me.
I don't need you there. I'm a professional, Jack, I know how these things go.
OK, I'm cool, I know it all.
And I'll call you right after. Cross your fingers. Me, too.
OK. Bye-bye.
OK...
- Hi. - Hi...
I'm Dolores.
Dolores Deluxe.
- Uh-huh... - Uh-huh!
You know I never did get your picture.
My picture?
You know, you send me yours, and, er... I'll send you mine.
Well... well... I... we, er... ran out of p...
ran out of pictures.
- I brought you another. - Really?
- In case you didn't get mine. - Good.
Oh, boy. For me? To keep?
Thank... thank you.
- This is great. - Hmm...
- Of you? - Oh, yes.
Oh...
Oh? Wh... white nipples?
- Exciting, aren't they? - Uh-huh.
- White nipples. - A-ha!
- White nipples - No, er...
Bet you've never seen white nipples before, have you?
Right here.
- No, no, you don't... This is, er... fine. - That's OK.
(Moans)
- Like 'em? - It's just, er... like the picture.
Just like the picture.
(♪ STEELY DAN: "Do It Again")
('Dolores moans over Tannoy')
('Moaning and sucking')
What? What? What?
- ('Erotic moaning') - Wha...?
(Sniggers)
- What the hell is that? - I think I have a very good idea.
Eric, sweetheart, we don't know what you're doing in there,
but whatever it is, it's going out to the whole world.
Your mike's on, you jerk... And trouble's on the way!
It's locked! It's locked!
Yeah, it's locked. I'll have to go get my keys.
- I've got a key. - Oh!
Oh...
(Eric) What you're, er... just listening to is, er...
kind of creative, almost X-rated... radio here
from Eric Swan on QSKY-FM.
What I did was I, er...
mixed together a new sound-effects record, "The Sounds of Love",
and intertwined it with some folk music from... France.
But now back to something a little more traditional.
Hope you enjoyed it.
- Hi. What's the matter? - Don't "what's the matter?" me!
- I heard what's going on in here. - What are you all doing in here?
- Hey, come on, come on! Artist at work! - Eric!
I'm trying to create. Out, out, out, out, out.
Cathy, before you go, would you file this for me?
Please? Or do you wanna take it home?
Hmm? Ha-ha!
Come on. Fans I love, but not while I'm working, OK?
Out, out, out, out, out, OK?
Lamar Mr. Lamar, sorry. Can you shut that after you?
You're a great guy. OK, thank you very much.
Love your jacket, it's beautiful.
Was I good?
'Well, it's another real hot day in ol' L.A. Already 80 degrees this morning...'
Sweet Alice, it was out of my way, but I got you yours first.
Thank you. And these, sweet Irving, are for you.
- Did you look? - Alice, ratings are bullshit.
- You guys know you're the best. - Oh, I love that boy!
Scissors.
'Next up, the old gunslinger himself, Doc Holiday...
'...where there's "less sell, more sound".
'But first, for all you surfers, here's the morning surf report.'
(Woman) 'Er... this is Lady...'
Jeff! Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! Look!
(Woman) '...one to two feet, and the shape's not very good.
'It's kind of mushy and it doesn't look like it's gonna clear up,
'so maybe just stay inside...'
You did it.
(Sighs)
(Man) '...this is the Coast Guard station with a surf report.
'We got a kind of mushy, bad shape on the waves...'
Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is QSKY, the big one, the last radio station!
Los Angeles' radio!
We have done it and we are gonna cook and cook
and cook and cook until it burns!
This is Jeff Dugan. In case you think this jock's gone crazy,
you have made QSKY the number-one station in Los Angeles,
and I just wanna thank you, I love you.
Swan: number one, 03:00 to 07:00 Mother: top place, 07:00 to midnight!
- Son of a bitch! - Through the damn roof!
For nine straight hours, we've got the number-one station
in the number-two market in the country.
- Into orbit and out of sight! - Oh, man.
I can sell this station to anybody... everybody.
Look at those numbers. Oh, beautiful!
We're gonna have a party. Everybody in the office. Champagne!
(Overlapping shouting)
Sorry I'm late, buddy. What's the good word?
You ain't late, I left a minute early. And the word is terrific, Doc!
How'd the old cowboy do?
I only had a chance to look at the overall so far,
put on a raw cut and come and party with us, OK?
- Yeah. - OK.
Oh, we're gonna use all the glasses. Lamar, open that.
Christina, Cathy, come on in! Everybody party!
(Phone rings)
Yeah, Doc?
'It's Albert Driscoll from Chicago. He wants to speak to Dugan.'
'Tell the cowboy to get his ass in here and join the party.
- Did you hear that? - 'Yeah, I heard.'
- (Driscoll) 'Hello, Jeff. Are you there? - (Jeff) Yeah, I'm here.
'Listen, we just saw your book. Everyone here is thrilled.'
We're happy round here, too, Al.
'Just thrilled. Really proud of you. Thrilled.'
How about Billings? Is he thrilled?
'Carl's been in Washington all week taking care of government bullshit.
'As soon as I can get to him, I'll let him know.'
Yeah.
- Whoo! - Whoo!
- 'Regis, are you there, too?' - Yes, Al.
'This should really boost your sales, Regis? What are you doing about it?'
I'm working on it, Al. I'm working on a very big deal.
'That's thrilling. Keep me posted, Regis.
'Dugan, you and Regis getting along OK?'
- Yeah, fine, Al, just fine. - 'Good, good.
'I thought the two of you would work well together.
'Take care of yourself, Jeff. You're too valuable to lose.
- 'So long.' - Yeah, so long, Al.
- Alright, how about a toast? - Good idea.
To profits and the quality they bring.
To quality and the profits it brings.
(Alice) I'll drink to that.
(Gunshot)
(♪ RED FOLEY: "(Remember Me) I'm The One Who Loves You")
Doc, can we talk?
Yeah, go ahead.
How do want me to say it? The book? The numbers aren't there.
Come on, you know how it is. One day, they're with you...
...the next, they're someplace else.
(Gunshot)
Well, it looks like for me they took a permanent move.
It's a shitty business.
Sometimes it's real shitty.
Yeah, OK, Dugan. Now, what's the bottom line, Dugan?
Where's things at?
I want Laura there full-time.
And, er...
What do I do, sell Chevys on TV?
Work a disco?
Do a record hop, huh?
♪ Remember me, I'm the one who loves you...
Ronnie White called the other day.
Just coincidence, Doc.
He wanted to offer you a full-time job.
A.M.?
A.M. ain't where I'm at.
You can have the weekends, if you want.
Throw in part-time here and there.
You can stay with us that way, if you want.
♪ Remember me, I'm the one... ♪
Get outta here, Dugie. Go on.
(Radio jingle) '♪ With QSKY, get so high
'♪ You'll never come down to earth
♪ At QSKY... ♪"
For those of you who never knew, for those of you who've never forgotten,
for those of you who really don't give a sh... damn,
this is Laura Coe for Doc Holiday on QSKY Radio.
Back from an extended vacation, a perfectly divine holiday...
(Dugan) Well, Doc still knows this business better than most.
He'd make a damn good general manager at some smaller station.
Yeah, right. Well, let me know if you hear of anything. Thanks.
Jeff, I'd like you to meet Lieutenant Reach.
Hi, Jeff. It's a pleasure to meet you. Just call me Bill.
I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you the other day.
Charlie...
Can I get you a drink or something?
Hell, Jeff, old boy, I brought something real special for you.
Do you mind if I close that door over there?
Well, I've only said no to the army once, that's when they wanted me.
Oh, that's a good one.
Charlie, get the drapes. Excuse me, Regis.
That there is a hell of a view, Jeff. A hell of a view.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, this here stuff is genuine, three-star personal stock
of the General himself, flown straight from Southeast Asia to the Pentagon,
with only one little ol' stop in between.
Mmm... Mmm...
You know... a lot of the big guys at the brass
figure this is the reason that we invaded that damn country in the first place.
Mmm...
Of course, a lot of the other boys figure that this is why we lost the damn war.
(Cackles)
Hell, I guess there's two sides to just about everything, know what I mean, Jeff?
These just came for you.
- Thank you, Alice. That's very nice... - No, Laura, I had nothing to do with it.
Jeff did it. He must've ordered them himself.
Doesn't he manage to do just the right thing
just at the unexpected moment?
(Lt. Reach) What we decided to do was to get together
a group of marketing specialists...
...and to package us a bunch of commercials.
You know, the kind of stuff...
...that would appeal... to the cream of the crop.
The young ones, the late teens, the early twenties!
- Well, you know what we're after. - Oh, yeah.
Jeff, I guarantee you are going to love this.
Regis?
It's terrific.
(♪ Rock song plays)
Yeah! Yeah!
- ♪...I gotta try and make it - Excuse me! Ha!
♪ Oh, when was the last time you said that? When was the last time?
- (Lt. Reach) That could be a hit. - ♪ In the army...
- I like that one. - 'If you enlist in the army...'
- I think you should release it as a single. - (♪ Country & Western tune)
- Oh, yeah. - ♪ That's brotherhood goodness...
♪ An army are a team, moving forward as one... ♪
- There's another one there. - (♪ Switches to blues song)
♪ One more time, I'm gonna grow my hair
♪ One more time, I'll grow it down to there
♪ One more time, because I'm going in the army
♪ And I'm gonna find a way to do everything one more time... ♪
(Mimics machine gun)
(♪ Music stops)
(Lt. Reach laughs hysterically)
Oh, God, I love it!
Oh, oh... Jeff, Jeff... (Clears throat)
Jeff, the reason we selected your station to do the advertising in the first place
is because of old Regis here.
Regis... he guaranteed us
that you had the kind of audience that we were interested in.
(Laughs)
(Lt. Reach) It's terrific, huh?
(Dugan) I, er...
I think...
I think those spots are damn unique.
That's what I think.
(Overlapping chatter and music playing)
Could you sign something very special for this young lady? Thank you.
Thank you!
Hey, I'll tell you something, if you guys don't score tonight, turn your pens in!
- (Man) No problem! - Who taught you how to write anyway?
But, er... I'm not a disc jockey, you know. I'm nobody.
Oh, OK.
Alright, ain't that a hot old tune, huh?
Kind of makes you wanna take your sweetie closer and boogie all night long,
so let's get on down.
We don't wanna stop now, we don't wanna lose the mood.
We're gonna keep 'em coming, fast and steady and back to back.
From Tower Records, this is Mother on QSKY-FM Los Angeles.
(♪ Rock music plays)
(Man) Mother! Mother! Mother, over here!
(Laura) Excuse me.
- Did you get hers? - Excuse me.
- OK, guys, that's it. Bye. - Wait a second, where you going?
Er... I have a dinner date.
A dinner date? With who?
I thought we were gonna keep it professional not personal.
- Yeah, but, er... - But what?
But, er... I'd like to change that.
You would?
OK, we'll talk about it tomorrow. Bye.
Jeff! You hired Laura back, huh? Outta sight!
Listen, Dugan, I really can't understand you.
I send you a cut of "American Slang"
a week before anybody else and you haven't played it once.
Who you kidding? You been sneaking that piece of crap to every station in town.
- Come on, Jeff... - Come on, Izzy!
- Go eat it, will you? - Funny!
I got an appointment with Lt. Reach tomorrow and I need your decision.
- Tell him I'm thinking about it. - You're thinking about it?
You're thinking...?
That account's worth $125,000.
Maybe a hell of a lot more to the rest of Billings.
(Dugan) Bobby, I don't want you practicing the news in the toilet anymore.
So from now on, the jocks don't do the news, you do.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
Every day, morning, noon and night, live.
God, thanks, Jeff. Thanks a lot.
- Whoo! You earned it. - That's great.
Hi, Regis.
I plan to talk to Reach about a package,
putting those spots on all ten of our stations.
What do you think?
Thrilling, Regis. Maggie?
- Maggie? - Hey, Dugan. How you doin', good-lookin'?
- Haven't seen you in a long time. - I know. You look terrific!
- Let's break this up. - Oh, yeah...
Dugan, have you made the down-payment on your tux yet?
Because if you don't have that tux, you can't get into my concert.
Just think about it. Little Maggie has made this all possible.
Linda Ronstadt, live in concert!
It's gonna be a biggie, Dugan, and you're not gonna wanna miss it.
Wow, Mr. Carlyle, this is a surprise! Can I have a minute of your time...?
- I wanna talk to you about that concert. - What concert?
Linda Ronstadt.
You mean the one that Carlyle's putting on?
That's exactly what I wanna talk to you about.
(Excited chatter)
- I'm sorry, I don't drink. - How about dinner?
- I'm sorry I... - Don't eat?
Regis, look, er...
See, I make it a practice not to involve myself socially
with anybody in this business.
Things just stay friendlier that way, you know what I mean.
I guess so.
Well... (Clears throat)
That's what makes you different from the others.
Would you close my door, please?
- You really want it that bad, huh? - Yeah, I want it that bad.
Now, isn't that just so, so hot?
Yeah, this is Mother telling you, if you find it,
or you got it, then you just better keep it.
Now, what d'you think about that, hmm?
Regis... I've racked my brains over this one,
and I just don't see how those army spots fit on our station.
But there is a way, if we produce the copy ourselves.
Let our jocks cut it. I think it can work.
I mean, dig the Prince... "Hey, brother, what's happening?
"Now, what's the most important thing in your life?
"A foxy lady.
"Well, how you gonna get one?
"With a nice new shiny uniform, you strut your stuff, man!
"It's what it is."
(Giggles)
Or... Mother:
"Hi. This is Mother talking to you.
"Tucking you in, making you feel so warm and cozy.
"You wanna make your Mother happy?
"Join the army."
(Giggles)
- What do you think? - Terrific.
- What about the schedule? - Huh...
Well, I don't see how we can put those spots on twice an hour, prime time,
and not sound like we're owned by the army.
Hmm... Reach would never go for it, not without the schedule.
And I wouldn't blame him.
You're right, Regis. We'll have to let the army go somewhere else.
Huh?
We don't need 'em. We don't need Reach.
Listen... Listen to that sound, huh?
- We got the best damn station there is. - (♪ Fleetwood Mac playing)
- That's not the point. - What did you say?
- That's not the point! - Well, what is?
Profits.
- We make money. - Not enough.
- Not enough for who? For you? - The company!
Screw the company! I promised them a station not a bank.
This deal's too big to pass up. I'll go all the way to Driscoll if I have to.
Then you better get going.
(Mother) 'Stay tuned to QSKY, my little darlings,
'cos Mother's got a big surprise for you.'
- And for Michael J. Carlyle. - Attaboy!
If we don't hurry up, he's gonna be welcoming us.
Don't worry about a thing, my little pigeon, it's all taken care of.
Oh...
Driver, would you do me a favor and try to pick it up just a little bit?
- I'd like to get there tonight. - Of course, Mr. Carlyle.
(♪ JOE WALSH: "Life's Been Good" plays over dialogue)
(Screaming and excited chatter)
- Hey, Frank, how you doin'? - Fine, just fine, Dugan.
- They're expecting you. - Whoo! Look at you! Alright!
- Look at this. - (Laura) This is it!
- Hey, Frank, this is Shari. Shari, Frank. - Hi, Shari.
He's gonna tell you everything you need to know, OK, babe?
Listen, Frank, I want you to know I appreciate this a lot, OK?
- Yeah. Thanks, Dugan. - OK, have a good night.
Whoo!
(Inaudible dialogue)
Your change, sir.
- How did the audition go? - Great. I was absolutely incredible.
- I'll bet you were. - Eric's gonna be the next Johnny Carson.
Or maybe the first Eric Swan!
Boy, look at you! Swan Lake in person.
- This is a concert, not a bar mitzvah. - Ha! You know Jack.
- How you doin'? - This is Laura.
Listen, I gotta see you soon. Don't get lost.
(♪ JOE WALSH: "Life's Been Good")
- Nice going. - You never told me...
- And what are you gonna do... - Hey, man, how are you?
- ...if it backfires, my dear? - Hey, nothing's gonna backfire.
- Hey, Tino, how's it going? - Check everything's alright with her.
- Dugan, I gotta talk to you. - Ah, yeah, sure. You know each other?
- I think so. - Linda tied up?
- Yeah, she's in with the press. - I'll catch her in intermission.
- I gotta make sure everything's OK. - OK. I'll be over here.
- Hi! - Hey, darling.
- Jeff, how do I look? - You look beautiful. Tonight, make it good.
- Gonna make it cosmic! - Alright.
- But is my make-up...? - Ask Laura, she knows.
Listen, don't worry about Carlyle, OK? Ooh, am I taking care of Carlyle!
I've never seen anything like this.
The guy's gotta put gas in the goddamn limousine!
Oh, Michael, relax.
We're gonna get there on time. Really we are.
(Gasps) Oh, your diamond just snagged my nylons.
Oh!
(♪ JOE WALSH: "Life's Been Good" over dialogue)
♪ It's hard to leave when you can't find the door...
Excuse me, Laura! Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura... I need you.
- Is this natural make-up? - Oh, it's so natural...
Cathy, tell me, do you have any interest in showbusiness?
- As a matter of fact, I'm very... - Jack, keep an eye on Cathy for me?
- Oh, sure, Eric. - It's star time and I'm just a little...
Yes, it's me! They recognize me. How much make-up can I have on?
Mother, are you ready?
Yeah, we'll be ready in about 10, 15 seconds.
Yeah, OK. Can you hold on a second?
- Yeah, Jeff? - How's it going, man?
I dunno, 10, 15 seconds, alright?
- Signal's perfect. - Alright, let's get going.
Thanks, man.
Alright, guys, come on. House lights down.
- We're ready whenever you are. - OK. We're ready.
And house lights out, please. Come on, house lights.
House lights out. Come on, house lights... Thank you.
(Screaming and cheering)
Where's this guy to start the show at?
What? Oh, shit!
Look, it's a white suit, man! What is going on?
(Whooping and whistling)
- This is it. This is it, right? - Here?
You're a star. Take it. Do it, do it!
Take it or leave it!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Eric Swan!
Come on, Eric Swan, do it.
Er... please welcome one of the most wonderful performers
in this or any other... year in music.
Please welcome Linda Ronstadt!
(♪ "Tumbling Dice")
♪ People try to rape me, always think I'm crazy
♪ Make me burn the candle right down
♪ Baby, I can't stay
♪ I don't need your jewels in my crown
♪ Now all you women are low-down gamblers
♪ Cheatin' like I don't know how
♪ Baby, I'm going crazy
♪ There's fever in the funk house now
♪ Well, this low-down bitchin' got my poor feet a-itchin'
♪ Can't you see the deuce is still wild?
♪ Baby, I can't stay
♪ You got to roll, roll, roll me
♪ And call me the tumblin' dice
♪ Always in a hurry, never stop to worry
♪ Can't see the time passin' by
♪ Honey, got no money
♪ I'm sixes and sevens and nines
♪ Well, now, hey now, baby, I'm the rank outsider
♪ You can be my partner in crime
♪ Baby, get it straight
♪ You got to roll, roll, roll me
♪ And call me the tumblin' dice
♪ I say, my, my, my, I'm the lone crap shooter
♪ Playin' the field every night
♪ Baby, get it straight
♪ You got to roll, roll, roll me
♪ Call me the tumblin' dice
♪ You got to roll me
♪ Baby, got to roll me
♪ Whoa, baby, got to roll me
♪ Baby, baby, got to roll me
♪ Whoa, baby, got to roll me
♪ Baby, baby, got to roll me
♪ Yeah, baby, got to roll me... ♪
- (Tires screeching) - (Frank) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Good evening, Mr. Carlyle. - Frank, has it started yet?
Almost. Come on, you gotta get outta there. We're all backed up this way.
- (Horns honking) - Shari, this is Mr. Carlyle.
I want you to take him the back way so he can avoid all this crap.
Come on, come on, let's go.
Go ahead, we'll follow. Good idea, Frank. Thanks for the help.
Oh... Thanks a lot.
There's a spot over there. Move it!
- Let's open this machine wide open... - Where do I sit?
Just sit here, would you? Come on. Sit in, sit in, and shut up!
Alright, all your speed.
(♪ "Poor Poor Pitiful Me")
♪ Poor poor pitiful me
♪ Oh, these boys won't let me be
♪ Lord, have mercy on me
♪ Woe, woe is me...
Oh, Mikey, look. Isn't this where they put the pucks?
Come on, would you?
♪ Well, I met a boy in the Vieux Carré
♪ Down in Yokohama
♪ He picked me up and he threw me down
♪ He said, "Please don't hurt me, Mama"
♪ Poor poor pitiful me
♪ Oh, these boys won't let me be
♪ Lord, have mercy on me
♪ Woe, woe is me
♪ Poor poor poor me
♪ Poor poor pitiful me
♪ Poor poor poor me
♪ Poor poor pitiful me
♪ Poor poor poor me
♪ Poor poor pitiful me... ♪
Oh, sure, I know that way.
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
Where are you taking us now?
That's it, I'm not going any further!
You've taken me on a wild-goose chase on the night of my own concert!
That's it, kid! Come on, what are you doing now?
- My feet are hurting me. - Put your shoe on!
Thank you.
I'd like to thank...
I'd like to thank Jeff Dugan and QSKY Radio
for broadcasting this concert live.
(Applause over dialogue)
(♪ "Love Me Tender")
♪ Love me tender
♪ Love me true
♪ Take me to your heart
♪ For it's there that I belong
♪ And we'll never part
♪ Love me tender
♪ Love me true
♪ All my dreams fulfilled
♪ For, my darling, I love you
♪ And I always will
♪ Love me tender
♪ Love me long
♪ Tell me you are mine
♪ For it's there that I belong
♪ Till the end of time
♪ Love me tender
♪ Love me true
♪ All my dreams fulfilled
♪ For, my darling, I love you
♪ And I always will
♪ Love me tender
♪ Love me true
♪ All my dreams...
Right...
I just wanted to check.
If push comes to shove, what do we do about Dugan?
You don't worry about Dugan. I'll take care of him.
You just tell the army they got a deal.
That's what I thought.
I'll get back to you.
Goodnight, Al.
(Jingle) '♪ QSKY Radio, seven come eleven ♪
You're listening to QSKY-FM. It's 3:00 p.m.
This is the midday news. I'm Bobby Douglas.
The department of energy said the demand for petroleum products is going up
far faster than usual for this time of the year.
The department released figures comparing the four weeks ending September 23rd
with the same period last year.
The department said the demand this year was up six and three tenths percent,
and it said imports were up almost ten percent.
'Today, in Lake Elsinore, California, a man jumped from the top of...'
Hello, test. Hello, test. Eric. Eric.
Eric Swan.
OK.
Jesus.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen in the television audience,
and welcome to "Tunnel Of Love" with your host Eric Swan.
Good evening, television viewers,
and welcome to "The Eric Swan Hour".
Hi... I'm Eric.
Just a short while ago, the Big Apple City Council voted their unanimous consent
to a ballot referendum that would legalize casino gambling in the city...
(Phone buzzes)
- 'Jack Rapp here.' - Hi, Jack.
- It's Eric. - 'Hi, Eric.'
Listen, what happened? Come on, tell me. I'm in a great mood.
- 'Er... listen, Eric...' - Uh-huh?
'Eric, what the hell did you do?'
What do you mean?
'Don't "what do you mean?" me!
'I mean, I got a call from Schuler himself, the producer, remember?
'He's screaming his head off, he'll never give me another drop of business
'as long as I send someone like you around.
'Are you trying to ruin me?'
- Jack, I don't understand, er - 'Don't understand what?'
I don't understand what you're trying to, er... tell me...
- 'Well, you listen.' - ...or say.
'I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
'Now, Schuler said you would not take direction,
'he said you kept coming up with your own ideas,
'telling lousy jokes, not even relating to the audience,
'walking around as if it was the goddamn "Eric Swan Hour"!'
Jack, I was just trying... to show them a little bit of my personality.
'Ha! According to Schuler, either you don't have one or the one you got stinks!
'Get yourself another agent!'
(Line clicks off)
This is Bobby Douglas on QSKY Radio.
That's all there is to the mid-afternoon news.
And now more music with Eric Swan.
(Silence on air)
Um... that's...
More terrific music with Eric Swan!
(Silence on air)
You're on! You're on the air right now!
You're on! I mean, on! I'm done with the news! I'm finished!
It's my first broadcast! Come on, Eric...
- Bobby, for how long? - I dunno, a minute, two, three, five!
OK, just shush.
What you were just listening to, ladies and gentlemen, was side one
of Marcel Marceau's new hit single.
Well, it's not a hit yet, but we think it will be.
And don't forget, you heard it here first on QSKY-FM.
Now back to something a little more traditional.
- This is Eric Swan. - (♪ Soft rock music plays)
Alright, it was very good. I mean, it was very, very... It was brilliant!
Thank you.
- Bobby, I can only do that once. - Yes, I know that.
- OK. And you can only do that once. - I hope so.
- It really was good, though. It really was. - Thank you, thank you.
Now do me a big favor. Send Cathy in here, will you?
- OK. - Thank you.
- Huh? - Bobby, it's not "huh".
It's a question. Just have Cathy come in, OK?
Well, she's not here. She left.
I thought you knew.
What do you mean? Thought I knew what?
Well, er... she came in this morning and, er... quit.
She said she got a better job.
With, er...
- With... - With who?
With Jack Rapp, your agent.
We all thought you knew that.
Yeah, I knew that.
I knew that.
That's funny, er... sometimes...
...we file things, you know, and we forget them.
- Sure. - I knew that.
OK. Thank you.
Bobby?
Yeah?
Erm... Where's Dugan?
Well, he went out to lunch with Alice. It's her birthday.
Laura and I are going over there now.
That's great. OK... OK.
- Eric? - Yeah.
Are you alright?
No, I'm fine.
Thanks, kid.
(Door closes)
Oh, you know those D.J. tapes you did? I'm giving them to Alice.
Laura, you know Eric doesn't know anything about Cathy and Rapp.
- Is he alright? - Well, he seemed a little strange.
(Clattering)
(Heart beat playing)
(Eric) Do you hear that?
It's not what you think it is.
It's a human heart. A very happy sound.
- You hear this? - (Silence)
- 'It's an empty heart.' - See, it's just creative radio, Booby.
It's a little strange for creative radio.
Well, look, if it'll make you feel better, go get Dugan.
- You want me to take him off the air? - Dugan makes that decision.
I'll stand here, keep an eye on Swan...
- And I'll go get Dugan. - OK.
'Tell me I can love you and you can love me, please. (Sniffs)
'Can someone love Swan? Someone?'
Come with me, and this'll be our song.
- 'There. Nice.' - (♪ BILLY JOEL: "Just The Way You Are")
It's ours. Who are you?
Call me. I don't know who you are.
You do. You know who you are.
So call me. I don't know... All I know are two things.
I need love.
And we're listening.
Please call.
'Let me love you, and I will never leave you.
'Call me.'
I had a love once. A lovely, lovely lady.
All I wanted was to share everything, everything, with her.
To walk hand in hand... down sunny streets.
'Buy her... fresh-cut flowers.'
(Sniffs)
To caress her breasts and...
'...kiss her thighs, take Polaroids.'
- Oh, God! - 'But it wasn't meant to be.'
Not for me. Why? Why, I ask you.
Without love, we're like unattached planets, just...
...just drifting without meaning, alone in the universe.
Please... 555-QSKY.
Please call. If the lines are busy, just try again.
'I want someone. I wanna feel again. I want love once more.'
Knock it off!
'Who's gonna walk hand in hand with me?'
Eric! We can talk now!
'I want it... I want it...'
Oh, Jesus Christ!
- (Dugan) Come on! - (Eric weeps) 'Please call me.
'I love you. I wanna feel love once more.'
(Dugan) We still got a license or has he gone too far?
- (Laura) A little shaky. - Bobby, get him off the air.
Please... (Sniffs)
Oh, God!
Excuse me. Hello?
Oh, bless you, Debbie, sweetie.
'You're 5' 8"? And sixteen is a grown up.'
I agree. Yes. You're so sweet to call, really.
Come here. I gonna go in through the service panel.
I think you better go out there and help Alice, OK?
- (Clamor of conversations) - (Eric) '...till 2:00, but I'll be free then.'
(♪ B. B. KING: "Key To My Kingdom" over dialogue)
♪ At the end of my rainbow
♪ I seek no golden prize
♪ For the key to my kingdom
♪ Is the glow in your eyes
♪ Gaining power and riches
♪ Are thrills I'll never miss
♪ For the key to my kingdom
♪ Is the thrill of your kiss
♪ Baby, I have more than fame and fortune
♪ Every time I hold your hand
♪ And my darling, When our lips meet
♪ All the world's at my command
♪ Yeah, if you ever, ever should leave me
♪ My world would tumble down
♪ Because you're the key to my kingdom
♪ And your love is my crown...
(♪ Guitar solo over dialogue)
♪ Oh, I have more than fame and fortune
♪ Every time I hold your hand
♪ And my darling, When our lips meet
♪ All the world's at my command
♪ Yes, yes, if you ever, ever should leave me
♪ All of my world would tumble down
♪ For you're the key to my kingdom
♪ And your love is my crown
♪ Yeah, you're the key to my kingdom
- ♪ And your love is my crown - (Screaming)
♪ Yeah, you're the key to my kingdom
♪ And your love, your love... ♪
Well, open the door!
I just love the second cut on the first side much better.
- Yeah, I hear that. - It's fabulous. I owe you for this, Danny.
I know you do. I'm gonna collect. You bet your sweet ass on that, mama.
- You son of a... - (Alice) Goodnight, Laura.
Nothing's free, is it?
Now, look, I can work this out. Look, I'll change the schedule around.
- Look, I'll give you my spot, OK? - No, Dugan... No, Dugan, please!
It's not just the time, it's... the life. It's the normal life that I need.
I mean, I want some reality in my life.
(Mutters)
I mean, not five hours a night ego-tripping in this... this, er...
...this toy store.
It doesn't work for me anymore. It just doesn't work.
You mean it this time. This is final.
Yeah.
Look, you got me, you got me for two more weeks.
Just like it says in the contract.
If you wanna go... I can't hold you with a piece of paper.
Then, I'll, er... I'll finish tonight.
(Laura) Hi, guys. Look... Oh, I'm sorry.
It's alright.
We're through.
(Laura sighs heavily)
What happened? Did she quit again?
Well, not again.
This time she means it.
She said she'd finish tonight, and that's it.
Hey, now just like I promised you, I'm taking you all the way back home
with a tune to make you think about tomorrow.
(♪ DAN FOGELBERG: "There's A Place In The World For A Gambler")
(Laura) Come on, Mother, what's going on?
I'm fed up.
I'm fed up with the dirty phone calls with the groupies.
Groupies!
With the sales managers wanting dates, with the dopies...
It's garbage! It's all garbage!
And it's not because I can't handle it,
cos I can, I can handle it just fine!
I just don't want to, not anymore.
But you have made a name for yourself, you're what this business is about.
- Don't you think you...? - Laura, please! Please!
If it works for you, that's great.
I mean, bon voyage, congratulations, all the best.
But if I don't wanna be a rock 'n' roller all my life, don't come down on me.
I mean, just don't come down on me!
It's not all that bad, is it, huh?
No... No, it isn't.
It's just I've been at it for a long time, a real long time,
and I still feel like I'm missing something.
That's all.
That's all I want. I want a...
I want a chance to see if it couldn't be better for me some other way, that's all.
OK?
OK.
Now get outta here.
Let me finish my show.
(Dan Fogelberg) ♪...there's a song in the heart of a woman
♪ Set it free
♪ Oh, set it free
♪ Set it free... ♪
Isn't that just so, so true?
I mean, sometimes you just gotta... set it free.
Sometimes we just gotta take a chance.
- Hi, I'm Jeff Dugan and... - Laura Coe.
(Dugan) And we're rapping down with Tom Petty! Oh! Alright!
- How goes it? - (Tom Petty) Pretty good.
- (Dugan) Nice sound. - (Tom Petty) Thank you.
- (Dugan) You've been out on tour, right? - Yeah, about six weeks now.
Um... how was the tour for you?
- Was there a good response? - Yeah.
- Fine? Good experiences? - Nice and sweaty, excessive tours...
Would you excuse me? You guys are having such a good time, I'll see you later.
Well, thank you. Er...
Well, what do you say we talk about the European tour in a little bit,
and listen to "Breakdown" from Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers?
OK, that was good. I got it all.
Hey, Bobby Douglas. How are you?
(♪ TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS: "Breakdown")
Look, Al, when I took the job, I said, "Understand my attitude.
"We may not have the richest station in town,
"but we will have an audience, a loyal audience."
That's right, you told us. Now tell me this.
Where's the logic in taking this station to number one
and we don't make any more profit?
I'm not against making money, Al.
But you guys, you're never satisfied.
You come in here and you dilute the sound,
you oversell the commercial time,
you put on spots whether they fit or not,
and, in the end, you negate everything that was good in the first place.
("Breakdown" over dialogue) ♪ Your eyes give you away
♪ Something inside you is feeling like I do
♪ We've said all there is to say
♪ Baby, breakdown
♪ Go ahead and give it to me
♪ Breakdown, honey, take me through the night
♪ Breakdown, now I'm standin' here, can't you see?
♪ Breakdown, it's alright...
You'll run those army spots just as they are
and in strict accordance with the schedule they've asked for.
For the good of this company, everybody has to bend a little.
I've bent backwards.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna bend over.
♪ Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me
♪ Breakdown, honey...
(Laura) 'For those of you who've just tuned in, this is Laura Coe.
'What you've been listening to is "Breakdown",
'a cut from Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers.
'Tom is with us in the studio, so why don't you hang around
'and we'll be talking with him in a minute?'
♪ It's alright... ♪
Yeah. Yeah, I say put it to 'em, baby.
Up against a transmitter.
Power to the jocks.
- You understand where I'm comin' from? - I knew you'd say that.
What it is, baby, what it is.
Later.
The Prince hopes you dug that side,
but there's a lot more comin' on.
Check it out.
I want you all to be aware of what's involved here.
This isn't a prank.
If it doesn't work out, it'll mean your jobs.
Probably even your careers.
As for myself...
...I can't think of anyone I'd rather do it for.
- Oh, Alice. - Thank you.
Well, I'm gonna get the van.
Make yourselves at home. You know what to do.
Yep, I'm gonna call my service.
- Whoa! Hi. - Hi.
- I thought you'd quit. - Yeah, well...
That was yesterday and today's today.
Thanks. Everybody's in there. I'll be right back.
OK.
OK, guys, this is it.
- Give me your hand. Ow! - Oh, be careful.
- Come on. - Thank you.
(Keys jangling)
- What's wrong? - Shh! Just be quiet.
We work here, remember!
Oh, God, he's making me nervous!
'This is the Prince of Darkness asking you to stay with us,
'because we're about to bring you into the light.'
(♪ BOZ SCAGGS: "Lido Shuffle")
♪ Lido missed the boat that day he left the shack
♪ But that was all he missed and he ain't comin' back
♪ At a tombstone bar, in a juke joint car, he made a stop
♪ Just long enough to grab a handle off the top
♪ Next stop Chi town, Lido put the money down, let 'em roll
♪ He said one more job ought to get it
♪ One last shot 'fore we quit it
♪ One for the road
♪ Lido
♪ Whoah-oh-oh-oh
♪ He's for the money, he's for the show
♪ Lido's waitin' for the go
♪ Lido
♪ Whoah-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
♪ He said one more job ought to get it
♪ One last shot 'fore we quit it
♪ One more for the road
♪ Lido will be runnin', havin' great big funnin'
♪ Till he got the note
♪ Sayin' toe the line or blow it, and that was all she wrote...
Oh... we're ready. Come on
♪...headin' for the borderline, goin' for broke
♪ Sayin' one more hit ought to do it
♪ This joint ain't nothin' to it... ♪
- So what do I do, I just read this? - Prince is goona read it over the air.
- He slurs! - You'll have your chance.
Class!
What it is, is this.
The Prince of Darkness, Mother,
Laura Coe, Bobby... and Swan,
and the entire staff of QSKY Los Angeles are now goin' on...
Strike!
'We do not intend to stand by and do nothing
'while our beloved boss Jeff Dugan is fired for attempting to prevent...'
- Son of a bitch! - '...the pollution of our air waves.
'We are goin' to stay right here broadcasting all of your favorite sides,
'and not one minute, not one second, of commercial pradola.
'What it is, is SKY-free radio.'
(Laura) Listen, Mr. Driscoll, we're not throwing this away!
This is no light-weight comical trip here, we are keeping this place
until your pud falls off, if we have to!
(Raucous laughter)
No one respects Jeff's accomplishments here more than I do.
But let me remind you, I never fired him, he quit!
You made him quit!
This discussion isn't getting us anywhere.
Where's that guy from the union?
Cirullo, come here.
Now, this is Mr. Cirullo. He's the head of your union.
And this takeover strike, as you call it, is absolutely illegal.
Now, not only won't they support you...
To hell with the union! They need us more than we need them.
(Eric) 'To hell with the union! No way! No way!'
(Shouting over dialogue)
- (Eric) 'Are we doing the right thing?' - (Cheering)
(Question inaudible)
Well, I am Albert Driscoll,
and I am the executive vice-president of Billings Industries.
- (Eric) 'L-O-V-E, four letters. QSKY!' - (Laura) 'Q-S-K-Y.'
(Eric) 'Four letters, that's it. We're here forever! QSKY!'
(Crowd chants) QSKY! QSKY! QSKY! QSKY!
QSKY! QSKY! QSKY!
(Eric) 'Seven-eleven, right here to stay! Alright, QSKY!
- Jeff! - 'Jeff, come on up. It's going great!'
(Crowd cheers)
...we're a responsible company, and this is a mere flap.
- So, Mr. Lamar...? - What the hell do you want?
Mr. Lamar?
(Driscoll) That bastard! He's the cause of it all!
Get him down off of there! Get him down! Shoot that son of a bitch!
- (Officer) But he hasn't done anything. - (Driscoll) Shoot him!
Come on, Jeff!
'Thank you! Jeff Dugan, we got him here!'
(Radio) 'The Carl Billings Radio Network proudly presents...'
(Phone rings)
'...Bud Abbott and Lou Costello!'
Hello? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I got it.
'We're gonna stay here all night, if we have to!'
Now, what the hell is that?
Do you understand what this means?
Those stupid idiotic jackasses are not gonna ruin my station.
Get the plane ready. I'm going to L.A.
(♪ Crowd stomping and clapping to QUEEN: "We Will Rock You")
♪ Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise
♪ Playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday
♪ You got mud on your face, you big disgrace
♪ Kicking your can all over the place, singin'
♪ We will, we will rock you
♪ Buddy, you're a young man, hard man
♪ Shouting in the street, gonna take on the world someday
♪ You got blood on your face, you big disgrace
♪ Waving your banner all over the place
♪ We will, we will rock you, sing it!
♪ We will, we will...
...when I talk to you, I want you to listen.
I don't wanna hear anything else about Dugan. Dugan is a thing of the past.
What you have here is the cream of the crop of the radio industry.
This lady has a voice that's as smooth as silk. Pure sex!
- How do you do? - This one, velvet. Velvet! Now...
Driscoll, we can't do a thing until that court injunction arrives!
Don't worry about it, we're gonna do it by the letter of the law.
- I got a winch over there... - (Firecrackers explode)
♪ We will, we will rock you
♪ We will, we will...
- (Laura) QSKY. - OK. QSKY.
- Hello? Hello? - Yes, we're gonna be here until, er...
Hold on. A breather...
(Bobby) Yeah, I'd like to place an order for some pizzas. Uh-huh.
- Yeah, gimme two pizzas... - Two?
- Gimme four pizzas... - Four?
- Look, gimme a dozen pizzas. - Charge it to Albert Driscoll.
This is Albert Driscoll of Billings Industries...
Yeah, we're gonna be here, we are here. Whenever you want.
There's a breather on line four, I think it's for you.
Jeff, it's your lawyer.
(Overlapping conversations)
Hello? Where the hell have you been, you shyster? Palm Springs?
You watch television? You better make bail ready for about eight of us.
We want Dugan! We want Dugan!
We want Dugan!
What's going on up there? What's that?
- You want me? - (Crowd) We want Dugan!
- (Man) Alright! Alright! - (Dugan) Whoo!
- How you doin'? - (Cheering)
Hey, I want you to know that this station is as much yours as it is ours!
(Cheering and whistling)
(Inaudible conversation)
And as long as you're here with us, we're gonna be here with you!
Oh, yeah!
- Hey, you want the Swan? - (All) Yeah!
Alright, let's have the Swan!
Come on! Whoo!
- (Swan) Do you want commercials? - No!
Well, we got 'em! We got commercials!
We got automobile commercials, bank commercials, stereo commercials!
And best of all, army commercials! Here you go, bombs away!
(Crowd cheers)
Ha!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
(Sirens wailing)
- The lawyer... the damn lawyer's here. - (Crowd booing and jeering)
Regis, come on!
It's about time you got here! That it? That's it, gimme it! Let's go!
Let me through!
Here's your goddamn injunction.
Alright, you in the building.
We have just received a court injunction ordering you to vacate the premises.
You have three minutes to do so.
(Crowd jeers)
You know, Jeffrey, we could get our asses handed to us for this.
You know, Eric, it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of people.
I'm with you.
(Officer) 'You have two minutes to vacate the premises!'
Anybody wants out...
...now's the time.
(Officer) 'OK, you people in the building, vacate the premises!
I love you too.
I repeat, we have a court injunction ordering you to vacate the building!
You have one minute to do so!
What do you think they'll do, Al?
Maybe you should just try and talk to them, you know, like friends...
You have 30 seconds to vacate the...
We're coming up now, Dugan! Now!
(Officer) Come on, give us a break!
Come on, do it.
Do it!
OK, take it up.
Hi, there.
(Screaming and shouting over Prince's broadcast)
Get out of here!
- (Crowd laughing) - What's going on?
- (Laughter) - Oh, man, my picture!
(Shrieks of laughter)
- (Bobby) Eric, they didn't go home! - Come on!
(Jeering and booing)
(Dugan) Wait... you're making a mistake.
(Man) Come on!
(Dugan) 'Stop it, will you? Please!
'Please stop!
'Stop!'
Hold it!
'Hold it!'
(Cheering abates)
This is crazy.
We started this because we wanted to give you what... you wanted.
'And, er... nobody appreciates your support more than I do, but, er...'
...getting your heads broken over a goddamn radio station...
...just isn't worth it.
We haven't lost here, I mean...
What good's a radio station if nobody listens to it, right?
We'll give you what you want.
And if we can't do it here... we'll do it someplace else.
(Cheering and whistling)
- We're coming down. - (Crowd) Oh...
'No, you're not!'
- Billings... - That's right.
Carl, we've got it all under control...
This is my station, part of my corporation.
I call the shots here!
I admire your guts, Jeff.
And I admire the respect that you can command
that creates this kind of loyalty.
You can keep the station just as you want it.
(Crowd cheers)
I have a contract that says I run this station.
Try and collect.
And you two, get the hell out of here, you're fired.
I'm coming up there.
(Crowd) QSKY! QSKY! QSKY! QSKY!